Rizzle drizzle

in procrastination and desire to run tonight i left the coffee shop early, only to find it raining. I returned home and decided i would run regardless. I left in the drizzle and got to see, in the distance, the city lights illuminating the clouds reminding me of how the snow does the same in wintertime. It was another cool God moment, mentally pausing to take it in--the vast skyline displaying the immensity of this world, and little, little me. I thought of Enoch, whom apparently God snatched up from the earth--without dying. I've always wondered, how good one must be for God to want you in heaven so badly that He just takes you away without death. Knowing that even in the Old Testament they didn't earn their salvation, says something deep about his faith. I found myself running with arms raised saying "take me home!" I said that because i've tasted His goodness, and I know as C.S. Lewis said, "Has this world been so kind to you that you should leave with regret? There are better things ahead than any we leave behind." Again, to reference the parable of the prodigal son, and ask, when will we realize that to be present with the Father is better than anything this world has to offer? All that we could ever need or want (true joy) is at our fingertips, yet we sneak off into the world to test the waters time and time again.

I think that's what makes me comfortable in my own skin. Most people who know me well know that I lack confidence in doing and achieving. The one thing I have confidence in, however, is WHO I am. I understand a degree of grace, and the renewed life with Him--why pursuing Him is worth it. I want that for everyone. I stumble out there, nibbling at the delicious temptations enough myself. That's why the concept of "journey" is so important - because none of us get it ALL, all at ONCE. Almost unfortunately, I think i've just given up on many of the temptations really, perhaps not pursuing either worlds. I've seen the pain and hurt sin has to offer...but still have to dip a toe every once in awhile to be reminded. To be vulnerably honest I thought again today about abandoning the ministry. I'll never be a preacher, don't ever want to be. I don't even really want to work for a church. i want to love people. i want to listen. I want people to say "there's something different about that guy. Why does he care?" I don't have all the answers and I think our churches paint that picture. I'd rather say "let's look for answers." after some of that mental conversation i was reminded of my tattoo, and of course was drawn back to the truth, that the world is a dangerous place. I don't have to figure it all out, I just need to listen to His leading. For now, I am where I am.

Philip Yancey paraphrased through the eyes of John Donne, "If Donne could somehow time-travel into modern times, he would no doubt be aghast at how little attention we give to the afterlife. Today, people are almost embarrassed to talk about such a belief. We fear heaven as our ancestors feared hell."

guess I'll keep running.