:p
I posted this along time ago too...but it still makes me laugh:
when worship goes awry:
listen to this first
Then listen to this second
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Den Sem Selah Gala
Apparently this place might be more fun than we realize...Cupid can shuffle, but Soulja Boy would Tell 'em:
I love that a Seminary is willing to not only host a dance, but let 'em get down on their own terms.
I love that a Seminary is willing to not only host a dance, but let 'em get down on their own terms.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
apparently
I wear my heart on my face. However... to refer to perhaps the greatest compliment I may ever remember, "I wouldn't have it any other way."
This paper that's due Thursday has made me aware that I'm probably experiencing a degree of physical stress that I haven't endured in a LONG time. This too should pass. Right? :)
This paper that's due Thursday has made me aware that I'm probably experiencing a degree of physical stress that I haven't endured in a LONG time. This too should pass. Right? :)
Monday, April 28, 2008
servant leadership
It's 2:10 a.m. I got about 3 hours of sleep maximum last night and I went to bed at around 11 tonight, only to wake up at about 1:30. What is the deal? If you've been reading lately I've decided I might as well start writing some of this stuff down at least so that it doesn't go to waste and I can look back at it someday and be amazed at what this brain goes through. Tonight might be a bit scattered, but we'll see where it goes.
Sunday morning rehearsal went phenomenal. Really, it should have been recorded, laid down on cd and sold then and there. Even my voice (which you will never hear me say), was on it--to the extent that people commented. Service, on the other hand, albeit not as bad as we've had, was not nearly as good. I was frustrated by some of the mistakes that the team made mostly because we'd just seen how good it could be, though I tried not to let it show. We all knew we didn't do our best, so I didn't feel the need to say anything.
I've never sought leadership. Probably for a number of reasons--mostly because I feel that the majority of leaders are narcissistic and revel in the attention it gets them. I know these people. I've never wanted attention and to an extent probably fear the same assumption of me by others. But because I've been given authority (job) and have been called to a place of leadership I've decided to rule my way, and let the results speak for themselves. I try to lead by suggestion and encouragement rather than by the hammer or authority. I prefer to focus on the person rather than their role. This is specifically effective right now since the entire team is overtly more musically gifted than I am. Why do they listen to me? Because we've become friends and we've gained a respect for each other, outside of the music and instruments. There're things they can do with their instruments that I'll never be able to do. And yet they listen to my directing. I honestly don't think this team would play with anyone else (that can be good and bad). But I don't need to drop the hammer to lead them. Part of the reason I'm processing, is not to elevate myself, but because apparently the Freeport campus just lost their entire sound crew (who have been doing it for 15 years) because someone (without trust and friendship) maybe decided to make changes with a more stern and heavy hand than necessary. Yes, changes need to be made...but the how is so important!
I received this email this afternoon: "Sorry about messin up today on the old guitar. Listening to that recording just showed me I have to work harder and always be top notch when playing. I will get all my tones and stuff dialed back in for next week. You do such a great job buddy and I know you like perfection as I do too. Let's get together in the next few days have coffee and maybe start back on the efforts of recording some tunes. I know school is locking you down, same with my work, but I am sure we can find some ample time to make it all happen."
There have been times with this church that I have left meetings with the attitude that "I'm done. Can't take the egos anymore." But part of the big reason I stay is because my team is not only my responsibility, but they are my friends. I know I continually get hurt because of my loyalty, but I've seen so much growth in their personal and spiritual lives that my heart cannot abandon them yet. One of my guys, who may not even be a believer and is addicted to smoking pot, is now working on quitting (for the sake of singing...but nonetheless). He's still with me, I feel, because I don't judge him. I don't preach at him. I first became his friend, and here and there I get to have the challenging conversations. As the Word of God is made more and more real to him, he'll get it. He's already getting it.
Jesus set the standard of servant leadership. He was the natural leader. He did not have to raise His voice to be heard. He didn't need to strike the synagogue pulpit to be heard. When He entered the room, a hush fell over the people. Jesus grew in favor with God and with men and women (Luke 2:52). He went around doing good (Acts 10:38). The common people heard Him gladly. He spoke with authority, not like the Scribes and the Pharisees (Matthew 7:29). The apostle Paul often wrote about the "grace of our Lord Jesus Christ" (2 Corinthians 8:9). Jesus was loved by-and loved and prayed for-his friends (John 17). He was such an attractive person that people were drawn to Him like iron filings to a magnet (Luke 4:15). Jesus wept over the city of Jerusalem (Luke 13:34). When his friend Lazarus was declared dead, the Scriptures tell us that his strong leader, Jesus, wept for His friend (John 11:35). When the sister of Lazarus was under pressure from her activist sister, Martha, Jesus came to her defense (Luke 10:42). Leadership without compassion is arid and sterile. Jesus, a strong, bold leader, revealed a sensitivity and compassion that enhanced and balanced His strength of character and dynamic leadership.
The pivotal New Testament texts are Mark 10:45, "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many," and Philippians 2:7-8, "He emptied Himself by assuming the form of a slave.He humbled Himself by being obedient, even to death." Effective leaders will be humble before God and before others. They will be humble, not servile, self-possessed, not selfish. They will not need to be applauded or praised. They will recognize that abilities owned will be the gift of a gracious God and will not have come through human achievement or natural talents. They will not therefore need to promote themselves, to boast, to posture to advertise their skills. Their humility will make them personally secure, not continually needing the affirmation of others.
"Let this mind be in you that was also in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 2:5).
If you're still reading...bless you! ha ha! If only my academic papers were this easy...
Let me take a small turn here, and I'll wrap it up and attempt sleep once again. I was driving home from church today (yesterday) and began praying for a specific friend who has occupied my prayers full-time recently. I communed with the Lord and wondered, "what did I do yesterday (Saturday)?" because it felt like I hadn't spent time with Him in awhile. It had only been a day, but what I realized, yet again, is that time spent with Him really is essential and profitable. I missed Him, even for a day. Even during the desperate times of the last couple of weeks, to be near Him, to listen and pour out my heart to Him, really is sooo good. I think part of the reason I'm enjoying running right now is because I started praying out loud as I run--an entirely new experience for me. I couldn't help it. I just start pleading with the Lord. My iPod gives me rhythm and the running obviously gives me movement for the passion.
I found it unfortunately interesting how even though I've been enjoying His presence and comfort, how easily my selfishness can overtake my days and still cause me to forget Him.
Lord, you know my heart. Give her wisdom--and give me sleep.
Sunday morning rehearsal went phenomenal. Really, it should have been recorded, laid down on cd and sold then and there. Even my voice (which you will never hear me say), was on it--to the extent that people commented. Service, on the other hand, albeit not as bad as we've had, was not nearly as good. I was frustrated by some of the mistakes that the team made mostly because we'd just seen how good it could be, though I tried not to let it show. We all knew we didn't do our best, so I didn't feel the need to say anything.
I've never sought leadership. Probably for a number of reasons--mostly because I feel that the majority of leaders are narcissistic and revel in the attention it gets them. I know these people. I've never wanted attention and to an extent probably fear the same assumption of me by others. But because I've been given authority (job) and have been called to a place of leadership I've decided to rule my way, and let the results speak for themselves. I try to lead by suggestion and encouragement rather than by the hammer or authority. I prefer to focus on the person rather than their role. This is specifically effective right now since the entire team is overtly more musically gifted than I am. Why do they listen to me? Because we've become friends and we've gained a respect for each other, outside of the music and instruments. There're things they can do with their instruments that I'll never be able to do. And yet they listen to my directing. I honestly don't think this team would play with anyone else (that can be good and bad). But I don't need to drop the hammer to lead them. Part of the reason I'm processing, is not to elevate myself, but because apparently the Freeport campus just lost their entire sound crew (who have been doing it for 15 years) because someone (without trust and friendship) maybe decided to make changes with a more stern and heavy hand than necessary. Yes, changes need to be made...but the how is so important!
I received this email this afternoon: "Sorry about messin up today on the old guitar. Listening to that recording just showed me I have to work harder and always be top notch when playing. I will get all my tones and stuff dialed back in for next week. You do such a great job buddy and I know you like perfection as I do too. Let's get together in the next few days have coffee and maybe start back on the efforts of recording some tunes. I know school is locking you down, same with my work, but I am sure we can find some ample time to make it all happen."
There have been times with this church that I have left meetings with the attitude that "I'm done. Can't take the egos anymore." But part of the big reason I stay is because my team is not only my responsibility, but they are my friends. I know I continually get hurt because of my loyalty, but I've seen so much growth in their personal and spiritual lives that my heart cannot abandon them yet. One of my guys, who may not even be a believer and is addicted to smoking pot, is now working on quitting (for the sake of singing...but nonetheless). He's still with me, I feel, because I don't judge him. I don't preach at him. I first became his friend, and here and there I get to have the challenging conversations. As the Word of God is made more and more real to him, he'll get it. He's already getting it.
Jesus set the standard of servant leadership. He was the natural leader. He did not have to raise His voice to be heard. He didn't need to strike the synagogue pulpit to be heard. When He entered the room, a hush fell over the people. Jesus grew in favor with God and with men and women (Luke 2:52). He went around doing good (Acts 10:38). The common people heard Him gladly. He spoke with authority, not like the Scribes and the Pharisees (Matthew 7:29). The apostle Paul often wrote about the "grace of our Lord Jesus Christ" (2 Corinthians 8:9). Jesus was loved by-and loved and prayed for-his friends (John 17). He was such an attractive person that people were drawn to Him like iron filings to a magnet (Luke 4:15). Jesus wept over the city of Jerusalem (Luke 13:34). When his friend Lazarus was declared dead, the Scriptures tell us that his strong leader, Jesus, wept for His friend (John 11:35). When the sister of Lazarus was under pressure from her activist sister, Martha, Jesus came to her defense (Luke 10:42). Leadership without compassion is arid and sterile. Jesus, a strong, bold leader, revealed a sensitivity and compassion that enhanced and balanced His strength of character and dynamic leadership.
The pivotal New Testament texts are Mark 10:45, "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many," and Philippians 2:7-8, "He emptied Himself by assuming the form of a slave.He humbled Himself by being obedient, even to death." Effective leaders will be humble before God and before others. They will be humble, not servile, self-possessed, not selfish. They will not need to be applauded or praised. They will recognize that abilities owned will be the gift of a gracious God and will not have come through human achievement or natural talents. They will not therefore need to promote themselves, to boast, to posture to advertise their skills. Their humility will make them personally secure, not continually needing the affirmation of others.
"Let this mind be in you that was also in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 2:5).
If you're still reading...bless you! ha ha! If only my academic papers were this easy...
Let me take a small turn here, and I'll wrap it up and attempt sleep once again. I was driving home from church today (yesterday) and began praying for a specific friend who has occupied my prayers full-time recently. I communed with the Lord and wondered, "what did I do yesterday (Saturday)?" because it felt like I hadn't spent time with Him in awhile. It had only been a day, but what I realized, yet again, is that time spent with Him really is essential and profitable. I missed Him, even for a day. Even during the desperate times of the last couple of weeks, to be near Him, to listen and pour out my heart to Him, really is sooo good. I think part of the reason I'm enjoying running right now is because I started praying out loud as I run--an entirely new experience for me. I couldn't help it. I just start pleading with the Lord. My iPod gives me rhythm and the running obviously gives me movement for the passion.
I found it unfortunately interesting how even though I've been enjoying His presence and comfort, how easily my selfishness can overtake my days and still cause me to forget Him.
Lord, you know my heart. Give her wisdom--and give me sleep.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
God's not the only one who smiles when you come to mind.
I received a very encouraging card in the mail today and once again I give thanks for the people God has placed in my life to point me to Him despite my distracted journey. These people may never know their impact on my life (though I've made it a point to tell some), but it's another reason for me to be careful with my words and actions. It's all about representin'. You really can be Jesus to the world.
Every time you cross my mind, I break out in exclamations for thanks to God. PHILIPPIANS 1:3 THE MESSAGE.
Friday, April 25, 2008
I wore ankle braces as a child
I think the impossible may have happened. I might be becoming a runner. I hate running. I really do, but I've gone the last two nights (not very far or fast, mind you) and I found myself looking forward to it this morning. This is a strange turn of events.
Yes, I wore braces on my ankles as a child. I know when to stop running though.
(okay, that's a reference to Forrest Gump in case you didn't catch it...)
Yes, I wore braces on my ankles as a child. I know when to stop running though.
(okay, that's a reference to Forrest Gump in case you didn't catch it...)
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Life
I probably have a harder time with school right now because I would rather be doing, rather than studying. I'm supposed to be researching and writing methods on premarital counseling right now, but one little email sends my brain off in another direction...and I can forget about assignments.
My church talks about numbers more than I'm probably comfortable with...but we excuse it by claiming that "every number is a person," and we truly value each and every person. Probably easy to do at this point in our church life...
Here's part of an email I got Tuesday night:
One of our Crossroads families found out today that their nearly 3 year old daughter Ellie, has a cancerous tumor growing on her kidney.
Today: I just returned home from the 4 hour surgery. She went in at noon and was out by about 4pm. The surgery went well overall – the tumor was even larger than anticipated; closer to 8” x 6” and pretty much filled up her insides. It did NOT invade the liver, which is a big answer to prayer. They removed one kidney, which was anticipated, and that went well. The only break in the tumor was in the back wall, which was firmly attached to the muscle. They couldn’t be sure if the break was caused by the removal process or if it had “leaked” on its own. The surgeons removed several lymph nodes in the area for testing. They also placed a “port” in her upper chest to administer the upcoming chemo treatments. Technically, this is a Stage 4 cancer, which is an automatic classification due to the spot in the lung. In spite that, the oncologists are extremely optimistic, assuming the reports come back good tomorrow. Scotty, Janice and the entire family are incredibly relieved that the mass is out and that the first major step to recovery is behind them.
...I think I've known 3 different families to lose there little ones to cancer within the last three years. I'm not even a parent, but that gets me.
Even today, aside from our family trouble, I was listening to some surprising statistics in class regarding birth and health defects and I realized how much I take being "normal" and healthy for granted. That's not right.
My church talks about numbers more than I'm probably comfortable with...but we excuse it by claiming that "every number is a person," and we truly value each and every person. Probably easy to do at this point in our church life...
Here's part of an email I got Tuesday night:
One of our Crossroads families found out today that their nearly 3 year old daughter Ellie, has a cancerous tumor growing on her kidney.
Today: I just returned home from the 4 hour surgery. She went in at noon and was out by about 4pm. The surgery went well overall – the tumor was even larger than anticipated; closer to 8” x 6” and pretty much filled up her insides. It did NOT invade the liver, which is a big answer to prayer. They removed one kidney, which was anticipated, and that went well. The only break in the tumor was in the back wall, which was firmly attached to the muscle. They couldn’t be sure if the break was caused by the removal process or if it had “leaked” on its own. The surgeons removed several lymph nodes in the area for testing. They also placed a “port” in her upper chest to administer the upcoming chemo treatments. Technically, this is a Stage 4 cancer, which is an automatic classification due to the spot in the lung. In spite that, the oncologists are extremely optimistic, assuming the reports come back good tomorrow. Scotty, Janice and the entire family are incredibly relieved that the mass is out and that the first major step to recovery is behind them.
...I think I've known 3 different families to lose there little ones to cancer within the last three years. I'm not even a parent, but that gets me.
Even today, aside from our family trouble, I was listening to some surprising statistics in class regarding birth and health defects and I realized how much I take being "normal" and healthy for granted. That's not right.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
time flies
wow. I went through my myspace archives to look for a blog about "good, better, and best [what if fine isn't good enough? what if I want extraordinary?]" I'd written when I first signed up back in 2005 and found a lot more posts than I'd remembered writing. I was actually surprised to see that they were still archived. Apparently I was doing this journaling thing on-line for quite some time. I re-read a lot of them and was quite impressed. :) By impressed, I mean i was kind of taken aback to read how God was working in my life, and how I was responding. Unfortunately, it kind of caused me to wonder "what has happened since then?" I feel so distant from 2005 when the record started...have I grown?
Not that anyone reads this blog even, but if you're interested in reading some of the things I've learned in the last 3 years you might check it out here, although I think you need a myspace account. You might find some of my humor also :D I cleaned up a lot of the superfluous ones.
I'll post one of my favorites here:
the skin horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail and been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was so wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away and he knew that they were only toys and would never turn into anything wise. for nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the skin horse understand all about it.
"what is Real" asked the rabbit one day when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before nana came in to clean the room. "does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the skin horse. "it's a thing that happens to you. when a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"does it hurt?" asked the rabbit.
"sometimes," said the skin horse, for he was always truthful. "when you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"does it happen all at once like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"it doesn't happen all at once," said the skin horse. "you become. it takes a long time. that's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. but these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.
-the velveteen rabbit
Not that anyone reads this blog even, but if you're interested in reading some of the things I've learned in the last 3 years you might check it out here, although I think you need a myspace account. You might find some of my humor also :D I cleaned up a lot of the superfluous ones.
I'll post one of my favorites here:
the skin horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail and been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was so wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away and he knew that they were only toys and would never turn into anything wise. for nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the skin horse understand all about it.
"what is Real" asked the rabbit one day when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before nana came in to clean the room. "does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the skin horse. "it's a thing that happens to you. when a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"does it hurt?" asked the rabbit.
"sometimes," said the skin horse, for he was always truthful. "when you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"does it happen all at once like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"it doesn't happen all at once," said the skin horse. "you become. it takes a long time. that's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. but these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.
-the velveteen rabbit
what's in a name
Another sleepless night and I argued myself out of writing this during the night while the brain waves were over-active...hoping I would actually fall asleep. Instead I'm writing it now.
a friend of mine has a quote on his page that says "Going to church does not make you a Christian anymore than going to McDonald's makes you a hamburger." Just how much meat are we bumping into every Sunday, or even during the week? So my mind was racing all night defining a "Christian." Better yet, my mind went back to the bigger questions: Who is God? What is He like? What does He require? Is there a difference between belief and trust, and what does it mean to really surrender?
It's interesting, I remember sitting in church every Sunday as a high schooler, hungover, thinking "I know I'm not supposed to date unbelievers...and I like my party life right now...so what I'm really looking for is an apathetic Christian like myself. Any takers?" Pretty great right?
I'm listening to Andy Stanley's messages about the ten commandments again. He stresses the fact that the laws were not given as a condition for salvation, but as a confirmation of a relationship with God. They were given to His people. Catch it? They were already His people. Then why were they given? That's not what I'm writing about. :) But you can find it if you look. :) Anyways, Andy clarifies the 3rd law stating that "You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses His name." Now, in recent history we did the same thing that Israel did. They created other laws to secure themselves from breaking the law (i.e., not even saying "gosh"), and hence today we think it means "thou shalt not take the name of the LORD in vain." Well what is "vain?" Doesn't even really make sense for us today. We lost sight of what the commandment was really all about. I mean really, in a list of the 10 most important commandments and God is going to put "IN vain" at #3 above "thou shalt not kill?"
What the commandment really meant goes back to "misuse." DON'T ASSOCIATE GOD'S NAME WITH SOMETHING GOD IS NOT ASSOCIATED WITH. In other words, don't leverage the name of God in order to accomplish something God has nothing to do with. Don't use God to accomplish your means. Don't use the name of God to get your way. Don't somehow try to use God's name in order to do something that God has nothing to do with. That is misusing the name of God. For instance, if someone does something that gets them in trouble, but they use your name as permission--that's misusing your name. "Justin said it's okay" when I didn't say "it's okay" is misusing my name, improperly leveraging my name to accomplish something they want. Okay, i'll back off on the preacher language.
I'm not promoting legalism--quite the contrary. I'm promoting grace, but I don't promote the misuse of it. Even from the beginning of time we immediately look for the loop holes to get around His requirements, in His name. Remember when Jesus showed up, walked into the temple one day and, the maddest He got, He walked in to see them selling animals to poor people for a huge profit--abusing the laws so that they could obey God?
Where's this fit in today, and specifically how does this apply to what I started with? I guess I'm referring more to the excuses we make for the sin in our lives. I remember a friend saving my friend from a decision stating "that's not a mistake you want to make." There's a difference between mistakes and our consistent sinning. We often have a tendency to make excuses for our sin, IN HIS NAME. Have you heard this one: "it's okay because we're in love." "We'll eventually get married anyways." "God wouldn't give me these desires if He didn't want me to do it." Or simply, "His grace is sufficient." Well...unfortunately that's not what God says or desires.
I make mistakes. Lot's of them. So I'm not writing this to be arrogant and preachy. I'm very susceptible to temptations with the best of them. My bottom line is this: what's in a name? As I ponder how consistency plays into character, the more I realize how big the pursuit of it is. So what's it mean to be a Christian? Remember, He doesn't force us to be one. But if we call ourselves Christians, we represent Him, and we should know who He is in order to do it. Even the people trained to identify the messiah crucified Him. They missed Him entirely because they made a profession out of dodging the will of God and the name of God, and they missed Him.
This is why, if you're not a Christian, or you are but you're out there doing your own thing...maybe you got your system worked out, it's not uncommon. I did it, probably still do it. We decide who we think God is and should be--what God wants and what we want. We use what we think about God to get our way. We use God. We're not discounting God, but we're not surrendered to Him. And we've missed Him. And we might know it, but we tend to play games with it.
I guess I'm writing this because I lived there for so long. All of a sudden I realized "I have no relationship with God." I've missed Him. I've talked about Him, I've even talked to Him. But it wasn't intimate. I'm not willing to play the game anymore and pretend my sin is okay with God because it makes me happy. Game over. My life changed when I realized that to be in accordance with who He is, is better than anything the world has to offer. At the end of the day if there's no relationship, it's just religion. I'm done masking my sin with religion. Psalm 73. I don't just want to be a beef patty. *use of the word "beef" used loosely.
Pursue Him. He's worth it.
a friend of mine has a quote on his page that says "Going to church does not make you a Christian anymore than going to McDonald's makes you a hamburger." Just how much meat are we bumping into every Sunday, or even during the week? So my mind was racing all night defining a "Christian." Better yet, my mind went back to the bigger questions: Who is God? What is He like? What does He require? Is there a difference between belief and trust, and what does it mean to really surrender?
It's interesting, I remember sitting in church every Sunday as a high schooler, hungover, thinking "I know I'm not supposed to date unbelievers...and I like my party life right now...so what I'm really looking for is an apathetic Christian like myself. Any takers?" Pretty great right?
I'm listening to Andy Stanley's messages about the ten commandments again. He stresses the fact that the laws were not given as a condition for salvation, but as a confirmation of a relationship with God. They were given to His people. Catch it? They were already His people. Then why were they given? That's not what I'm writing about. :) But you can find it if you look. :) Anyways, Andy clarifies the 3rd law stating that "You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses His name." Now, in recent history we did the same thing that Israel did. They created other laws to secure themselves from breaking the law (i.e., not even saying "gosh"), and hence today we think it means "thou shalt not take the name of the LORD in vain." Well what is "vain?" Doesn't even really make sense for us today. We lost sight of what the commandment was really all about. I mean really, in a list of the 10 most important commandments and God is going to put "IN vain" at #3 above "thou shalt not kill?"
What the commandment really meant goes back to "misuse." DON'T ASSOCIATE GOD'S NAME WITH SOMETHING GOD IS NOT ASSOCIATED WITH. In other words, don't leverage the name of God in order to accomplish something God has nothing to do with. Don't use God to accomplish your means. Don't use the name of God to get your way. Don't somehow try to use God's name in order to do something that God has nothing to do with. That is misusing the name of God. For instance, if someone does something that gets them in trouble, but they use your name as permission--that's misusing your name. "Justin said it's okay" when I didn't say "it's okay" is misusing my name, improperly leveraging my name to accomplish something they want. Okay, i'll back off on the preacher language.
I'm not promoting legalism--quite the contrary. I'm promoting grace, but I don't promote the misuse of it. Even from the beginning of time we immediately look for the loop holes to get around His requirements, in His name. Remember when Jesus showed up, walked into the temple one day and, the maddest He got, He walked in to see them selling animals to poor people for a huge profit--abusing the laws so that they could obey God?
Where's this fit in today, and specifically how does this apply to what I started with? I guess I'm referring more to the excuses we make for the sin in our lives. I remember a friend saving my friend from a decision stating "that's not a mistake you want to make." There's a difference between mistakes and our consistent sinning. We often have a tendency to make excuses for our sin, IN HIS NAME. Have you heard this one: "it's okay because we're in love." "We'll eventually get married anyways." "God wouldn't give me these desires if He didn't want me to do it." Or simply, "His grace is sufficient." Well...unfortunately that's not what God says or desires.
I make mistakes. Lot's of them. So I'm not writing this to be arrogant and preachy. I'm very susceptible to temptations with the best of them. My bottom line is this: what's in a name? As I ponder how consistency plays into character, the more I realize how big the pursuit of it is. So what's it mean to be a Christian? Remember, He doesn't force us to be one. But if we call ourselves Christians, we represent Him, and we should know who He is in order to do it. Even the people trained to identify the messiah crucified Him. They missed Him entirely because they made a profession out of dodging the will of God and the name of God, and they missed Him.
This is why, if you're not a Christian, or you are but you're out there doing your own thing...maybe you got your system worked out, it's not uncommon. I did it, probably still do it. We decide who we think God is and should be--what God wants and what we want. We use what we think about God to get our way. We use God. We're not discounting God, but we're not surrendered to Him. And we've missed Him. And we might know it, but we tend to play games with it.
I guess I'm writing this because I lived there for so long. All of a sudden I realized "I have no relationship with God." I've missed Him. I've talked about Him, I've even talked to Him. But it wasn't intimate. I'm not willing to play the game anymore and pretend my sin is okay with God because it makes me happy. Game over. My life changed when I realized that to be in accordance with who He is, is better than anything the world has to offer. At the end of the day if there's no relationship, it's just religion. I'm done masking my sin with religion. Psalm 73. I don't just want to be a beef patty. *use of the word "beef" used loosely.
Pursue Him. He's worth it.
Monday, April 21, 2008
In other news
I was told that Katie Herzig was asking about me... Apparently she said "Justin seems really nice." that will fill a guy's bucket for a day! Though she also ended the conversation with "but he lives in Denver, I live in Nashville." What? A guy can't move? :) I thought she was "pretty nice" too. ...but there are people you think about, and there are people you think about.
Chairs
I'm going to flashback for a second (quite different than flash dancing). Friday night I fell asleep to one of my all time favorite movies: Phenomenon. It doesn't contain the action or comedy that tend to be my favorite genres, nor am I a big fan of John Travolta. However, I think it might be one of his best roles, and it is so well written and created that I am forced to list it among my favorites. There are so many underlying messages contained in this film, that I will merely recommend you watch this movie again, rather than drawing out all the discussions here. However, there are two parts of the film that struck me back during my first viewing in 1996, and still caught me three nights ago. I just feel it's about time I draw some attention to it...as if this blog will do that...
The biggest thing I learned from this movie during my 18th year was from Robert Duvall's lines regarding chairs:
Banes: [speaking about George's transformation] He never really changed at all. Isn't that right Doc? I mean he never really got any smarter. Doc?
Doc: Banes... how's your lady love?
Banes: We... um... we broke up.
Doc: Really? That's too bad, yeah. Now George has a love at his side and she is sticking with him. You know why? Because he bought her chairs. That's pretty smart to me. You ever buy Lisa's chairs?'
Banes: Doc's real drunk tonight.
Doc: Every woman has her chair, something she needs to put herself into, Banes. You ever figure out what Lisa's chairs were and buy 'em?
[pause]
Doc: Nope. But, you're right about one thing, George never changed.
The bigger concept I found, although more subtly masked by the story line, was that the movie was about a simple man who was given an extraordinary gift. He uses this gift without selfish motive to help people in any way he can. People react more in awe, surprise, and even fear rather than understanding George for who he really is and intends. Remind you of anyone? Now, in that respect I'm not even drawing correlation to Jesus, but I do think there are some pretty good underlying themes.
Doc: [after hearing several of the townsfolk openly disparage George in the Bar] Why do ya have to tear him down? What are ya so afraid of? What have you got to lose? He wasn't selling anything! He didn't want anything from anybody! He wanted nothing from nobody! Nothing! And you people have to tear him down so you can sleep better tonight! So ya can prove that the world is flat and ya can sleep better tonight! Am I right? Am I right?... I'm right... The Hell with all of ya. The Hell with everyone of ya.
[storms out of the Bar]
Not to mention the fact that it includes THE sexiest shaving scene ever.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Sunday morning
Sunday service was exceptional this morning. A pretty big indicator of God's strength working through our (my) weaknesses--after another no-sleep night.
This was a relief. I'd asked our teaching pastor to pray for me before service. He told me his first impression when he saw me was "You looked like you had been beat up." ...I'd like to think that was an exaggeration...I thought I still looked pretty good! :)
Saturday, April 19, 2008
*sigh
Good song title right? Right now it says so much. Helpless to touch the sun-gotta do what I can. Right now is to keep on. Feeble minded because I can't see the bigger picture.
Fortunately I know Who does.
*sigh, is my deep breath of surrender. Knowing that I left it all on the playing field. I've done and acted only as I could. Left helpless to do anything more. No regrets. Hurt, but not regret. Refining, but not regret.
Chest pain is hard to describe. Leaves you breathless, weary on the inside. Like there's a small piece of you missing--and I don't even know what's missing, for I don't know what it looks like. And so I don't know where to look for it. Functional, but confused. It's strange, because I don't even know what this is that I'm feeling. Feeling is not easy for me obviously--and this is indescribable.
Maybe this is good for me. I mentioned not too long ago that I've not lost anyone close in a very, very long time. This has caused me to wonder what it would feel like when it happens, all the while trusting that my cognition would continue to rule, not without sadness and empathy, but still in control.
I don't envy tough love. But it's still love.
Fortunately I know Who does.
*sigh, is my deep breath of surrender. Knowing that I left it all on the playing field. I've done and acted only as I could. Left helpless to do anything more. No regrets. Hurt, but not regret. Refining, but not regret.
Chest pain is hard to describe. Leaves you breathless, weary on the inside. Like there's a small piece of you missing--and I don't even know what's missing, for I don't know what it looks like. And so I don't know where to look for it. Functional, but confused. It's strange, because I don't even know what this is that I'm feeling. Feeling is not easy for me obviously--and this is indescribable.
Maybe this is good for me. I mentioned not too long ago that I've not lost anyone close in a very, very long time. This has caused me to wonder what it would feel like when it happens, all the while trusting that my cognition would continue to rule, not without sadness and empathy, but still in control.
I don't envy tough love. But it's still love.
Friday, April 18, 2008
on love
Yes, I'm taking another break from my coursework...don't ask.
Lately I've been wondering why the English language only has one word for love. I've recently heard some friends speak of loved ones dying. The latest told of how his grandfather in his last breath tried to reach out for one last kiss with his lips. Said friend later told how his grandmother, at home, approached him in her late husbands shirt saying "I know it's probably gross, but I don't think I'll ever wash it--it still smells like him." I know, get yourself a tissue--I'll wait. Interesting though, none of us are good-looking when we're old--there's more to it than that (not that you thought it was just looks).
My good friend and late roommate recently got married. He decided early on that he wasn't going to say the words "I love you," to his girlfriend until he was on one knee with a ring in his hand. This, by the way (for you fellas), was quite hard on his girlfriend for a long time... Although I respect Brandon for his choice to be strong and hold high the commitment of the word love, there's simply more aspects to love than commitment. Trust me, I'm not trying to take anything away from his emphasis on commitment (i'm a proponent), for Brandon is right, our culture has lost that definition and "uses the word like it just doesn't mean anything anymore."
I'd be curious to do a study with the languages to try and understand why English only has one word. We know the Greek has at least 4, to distinguish between affection (storgē), friendship (philía), romantic love (érōs) and charity (agápē). Sorry, I'm not a linguist, but it does make me wonder if our one word adds to our complex misunderstandings of love in Western societies.
Lately I've been wondering why the English language only has one word for love. I've recently heard some friends speak of loved ones dying. The latest told of how his grandfather in his last breath tried to reach out for one last kiss with his lips. Said friend later told how his grandmother, at home, approached him in her late husbands shirt saying "I know it's probably gross, but I don't think I'll ever wash it--it still smells like him." I know, get yourself a tissue--I'll wait. Interesting though, none of us are good-looking when we're old--there's more to it than that (not that you thought it was just looks).
My good friend and late roommate recently got married. He decided early on that he wasn't going to say the words "I love you," to his girlfriend until he was on one knee with a ring in his hand. This, by the way (for you fellas), was quite hard on his girlfriend for a long time... Although I respect Brandon for his choice to be strong and hold high the commitment of the word love, there's simply more aspects to love than commitment. Trust me, I'm not trying to take anything away from his emphasis on commitment (i'm a proponent), for Brandon is right, our culture has lost that definition and "uses the word like it just doesn't mean anything anymore."
I'd be curious to do a study with the languages to try and understand why English only has one word. We know the Greek has at least 4, to distinguish between affection (storgē), friendship (philía), romantic love (érōs) and charity (agápē). Sorry, I'm not a linguist, but it does make me wonder if our one word adds to our complex misunderstandings of love in Western societies.
Retreat
Today I sat in a Catholic sanctuary at a monastery down the street from where I live. The first thing I noticed before I even opened the door was the smell of incense that reminded me of Dr. Carroll's comment, "these people know the SMELL of God." I won't dissect it, but I do feel a sense of reverence there in that place of quiet. People praying--an old woman in the back row silently mouthing something w/her eyes closed. A man in the front who, until now, had his head bowed this entire time. An Asian woman in the back corner, on her knees, yet upright looking statuesque staring towards the front...I thought perhaps she was in the wrong place... Candles were lit, statues of Jesus and Mary everywhere. Stained glass windows of what I assume are their regarded Saints.
I began my time this morning by reading Ps. 46 because I wanted to "be still and know that I am God." A great meditation emphasizing that God is our refuge and strength, never to leave us, powerful and present. Be still, and know THAT power and presence--obviously a challenge for me and my A.D.D. mind.
I had prayed and asked God to speak to me, as authentically as I am capable. After Ps. 46 I moved on to Ps. 47. I was thrilled to read "Clap your hands, all you nations; shout to God with cries of joy. How awesome is the Lord Most High, the great King over all the earth!" This was exceptional because we are slated to sing Awesome is the Lord Most High this weekend and for a little while now I've been asking myself "is God teaching me anything lately that I can share with my people that would applicable?" This may be it: a simple verse from scripture...if I can pull it off in efficient and succinct form...
As I was praying earlier, as usual, my mind wandered off into a song: "be near, O God, be near, O God, Your nearness is to me, my good." Great song to pray, and very applicable for the now. I don't know if it's good or bad that I can't always find my own words...I guess with my memory I simply need be thankful for being able to recall the good things I can.
Anyways, it took me back to my favorite Psalm, 73. Asaph is comparing his wretched state in the world compared to those who don't know and honor God, yet have health, wealth, and happiness; complaining that they live a better life than he. I love this Psalm because he explains all his complaining, but then has his "ah ha moment" in verse 17 when he says "till I entered the sanctuary of God..."
21. "When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you. But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds."
Here's a song I used to play and sing for a number of years almost every time I picked up my guitar:
I began my time this morning by reading Ps. 46 because I wanted to "be still and know that I am God." A great meditation emphasizing that God is our refuge and strength, never to leave us, powerful and present. Be still, and know THAT power and presence--obviously a challenge for me and my A.D.D. mind.
I had prayed and asked God to speak to me, as authentically as I am capable. After Ps. 46 I moved on to Ps. 47. I was thrilled to read "Clap your hands, all you nations; shout to God with cries of joy. How awesome is the Lord Most High, the great King over all the earth!" This was exceptional because we are slated to sing Awesome is the Lord Most High this weekend and for a little while now I've been asking myself "is God teaching me anything lately that I can share with my people that would applicable?" This may be it: a simple verse from scripture...if I can pull it off in efficient and succinct form...
As I was praying earlier, as usual, my mind wandered off into a song: "be near, O God, be near, O God, Your nearness is to me, my good." Great song to pray, and very applicable for the now. I don't know if it's good or bad that I can't always find my own words...I guess with my memory I simply need be thankful for being able to recall the good things I can.
Anyways, it took me back to my favorite Psalm, 73. Asaph is comparing his wretched state in the world compared to those who don't know and honor God, yet have health, wealth, and happiness; complaining that they live a better life than he. I love this Psalm because he explains all his complaining, but then has his "ah ha moment" in verse 17 when he says "till I entered the sanctuary of God..."
21. "When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you. But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds."
Here's a song I used to play and sing for a number of years almost every time I picked up my guitar:
Thursday, April 17, 2008
timeliness
wow. I received a wonderful gift in the mail last night. Go figure: it was a journal. I found it interesting that as much as I mentioned getting one, and even had an agenda to purchase one, somehow it didn't actually happen--in order for me to receive it as a gift, put into the mail with good intentions that I still had the need. My landlord and friend (also my facebook stalker) made a funny comment "I figured it was only a matter of time before SOME girl sent you a journal." I don't feel the need to defend why she said it, lest some of my colleagues stumble upon these ramblings.
Since I have two friends that read this I may still try to keep up with this blogger, posting some random ponderings in hopes that challenging questions can help us all process and grow along the way. I probably need to get better at filtering what is public and and what is private anyways, so I will attempt to keep this challenging, yet appropriate.
Journaling will be a new thing for me also. It's been recommended to me a lot, but I've never been a proponent of it because I have a hard time putting thoughts into words and being a perfectionist, hand-writing is scary because I don't like making mistakes, even on the page... I know...I've got issues. :) Could be worse I suppose...
Aside from that I awoke to a winter wonderland today, after wearing shorts and t-shirt on Tuesday. Although I'm absolutely ready for warm weather, I must confess, along with blue sky and sunshine--the scenery was positively gorgeous. I hoped to provide you with a picture, but it obviously eluded me.
Good day, or good night.
Now after some melting:
Since I have two friends that read this I may still try to keep up with this blogger, posting some random ponderings in hopes that challenging questions can help us all process and grow along the way. I probably need to get better at filtering what is public and and what is private anyways, so I will attempt to keep this challenging, yet appropriate.
Journaling will be a new thing for me also. It's been recommended to me a lot, but I've never been a proponent of it because I have a hard time putting thoughts into words and being a perfectionist, hand-writing is scary because I don't like making mistakes, even on the page... I know...I've got issues. :) Could be worse I suppose...
Aside from that I awoke to a winter wonderland today, after wearing shorts and t-shirt on Tuesday. Although I'm absolutely ready for warm weather, I must confess, along with blue sky and sunshine--the scenery was positively gorgeous. I hoped to provide you with a picture, but it obviously eluded me.
Good day, or good night.
Now after some melting:
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
getting lost
I also thought I'd post some of the music I absolutely cannot get enough of right now. You must check out:
Lifehouse - From Where You Are
Be Mine - David Gray
Because We Are - Tifah (the autumn film)
Enough - Tifah (the autumn film)
Reprieve - Tifah (the autumn film)
The Offer - Katie Herzig
Not Even Close - Katie Herzig
Fools Gold - Katie Herzig
Something to Believe in - Aqualung
Bad Skin Day - Bell X1
Flyin' - Emerson Hart
I Wish the Best For You - Emerson Hart
Devastation Hands - Emerson Hart
Stolen - Dashboard Confessional
Snow on the Sahara - Anggun
Hear You Me - Jimmy Eat World
So Blue - Downhere
Keep Breathing - Ingrid Michaelson
Closer to Me - Dar Williams
Closer - Joshua Radin
Someone Like You - Van Morrison
Sleep - Azure Ray
Lifehouse - From Where You Are
Be Mine - David Gray
Because We Are - Tifah (the autumn film)
Enough - Tifah (the autumn film)
Reprieve - Tifah (the autumn film)
The Offer - Katie Herzig
Not Even Close - Katie Herzig
Fools Gold - Katie Herzig
Something to Believe in - Aqualung
Bad Skin Day - Bell X1
Flyin' - Emerson Hart
I Wish the Best For You - Emerson Hart
Devastation Hands - Emerson Hart
Stolen - Dashboard Confessional
Snow on the Sahara - Anggun
Hear You Me - Jimmy Eat World
So Blue - Downhere
Keep Breathing - Ingrid Michaelson
Closer to Me - Dar Williams
Closer - Joshua Radin
Someone Like You - Van Morrison
Sleep - Azure Ray
State of Being
I meant to stop at the school bookstore today and see if they had a journal because, in my present state, it seems like there's something inside that needs to get out, but doesn't know how. I guess this is my attempt. I'm mixed on the whole blog concept because I always feel like there's people out there saying "why the hell are you telling us this? No one needs to know this stuff." Perhaps this will be short lived and I will eventually get my journal. :)
I'm sitting at Michelangelo's coffee/wine bar in Denver attempting to get some school work finished. I've been here many times before but was found driving 12 blocks too far asking myself "what in the world is happening in your brain that you drove that far." Awhile later, after setting up camp with papers, books, and laptop, I also found myself with headphones in--but no music playing. The lights are on, but apparently no one's home. Perhaps the residents have not yet returned to Colorado.
I believe sleep is slowly returning, though this zombie state of being is taking it's toll on productivity, and perhaps healthy conduct. My mom once told me "You can never get sleep back."
This too shall pass.
I'm not sure if I'll make this public or not. but I needed an outlet. Facebook notes are probably too public and I figure people don't want the notifications always popping up.
I'm sitting at Michelangelo's coffee/wine bar in Denver attempting to get some school work finished. I've been here many times before but was found driving 12 blocks too far asking myself "what in the world is happening in your brain that you drove that far." Awhile later, after setting up camp with papers, books, and laptop, I also found myself with headphones in--but no music playing. The lights are on, but apparently no one's home. Perhaps the residents have not yet returned to Colorado.
I believe sleep is slowly returning, though this zombie state of being is taking it's toll on productivity, and perhaps healthy conduct. My mom once told me "You can never get sleep back."
This too shall pass.
I'm not sure if I'll make this public or not. but I needed an outlet. Facebook notes are probably too public and I figure people don't want the notifications always popping up.
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