*sigh

Good song title right? Right now it says so much. Helpless to touch the sun-gotta do what I can. Right now is to keep on. Feeble minded because I can't see the bigger picture.

Fortunately I know Who does.

*sigh, is my deep breath of surrender. Knowing that I left it all on the playing field. I've done and acted only as I could. Left helpless to do anything more. No regrets. Hurt, but not regret. Refining, but not regret.

Chest pain is hard to describe. Leaves you breathless, weary on the inside. Like there's a small piece of you missing--and I don't even know what's missing, for I don't know what it looks like. And so I don't know where to look for it. Functional, but confused. It's strange, because I don't even know what this is that I'm feeling. Feeling is not easy for me obviously--and this is indescribable.

Maybe this is good for me. I mentioned not too long ago that I've not lost anyone close in a very, very long time. This has caused me to wonder what it would feel like when it happens, all the while trusting that my cognition would continue to rule, not without sadness and empathy, but still in control.

I don't envy tough love. But it's still love.