servant leadership

It's 2:10 a.m. I got about 3 hours of sleep maximum last night and I went to bed at around 11 tonight, only to wake up at about 1:30. What is the deal? If you've been reading lately I've decided I might as well start writing some of this stuff down at least so that it doesn't go to waste and I can look back at it someday and be amazed at what this brain goes through. Tonight might be a bit scattered, but we'll see where it goes.

Sunday morning rehearsal went phenomenal. Really, it should have been recorded, laid down on cd and sold then and there. Even my voice (which you will never hear me say), was on it--to the extent that people commented. Service, on the other hand, albeit not as bad as we've had, was not nearly as good. I was frustrated by some of the mistakes that the team made mostly because we'd just seen how good it could be, though I tried not to let it show. We all knew we didn't do our best, so I didn't feel the need to say anything.

I've never sought leadership. Probably for a number of reasons--mostly because I feel that the majority of leaders are narcissistic and revel in the attention it gets them. I know these people. I've never wanted attention and to an extent probably fear the same assumption of me by others. But because I've been given authority (job) and have been called to a place of leadership I've decided to rule my way, and let the results speak for themselves. I try to lead by suggestion and encouragement rather than by the hammer or authority. I prefer to focus on the person rather than their role. This is specifically effective right now since the entire team is overtly more musically gifted than I am. Why do they listen to me? Because we've become friends and we've gained a respect for each other, outside of the music and instruments. There're things they can do with their instruments that I'll never be able to do. And yet they listen to my directing. I honestly don't think this team would play with anyone else (that can be good and bad). But I don't need to drop the hammer to lead them. Part of the reason I'm processing, is not to elevate myself, but because apparently the Freeport campus just lost their entire sound crew (who have been doing it for 15 years) because someone (without trust and friendship) maybe decided to make changes with a more stern and heavy hand than necessary. Yes, changes need to be made...but the how is so important!

I received this email this afternoon: "Sorry about messin up today on the old guitar. Listening to that recording just showed me I have to work harder and always be top notch when playing. I will get all my tones and stuff dialed back in for next week. You do such a great job buddy and I know you like perfection as I do too. Let's get together in the next few days have coffee and maybe start back on the efforts of recording some tunes. I know school is locking you down, same with my work, but I am sure we can find some ample time to make it all happen."

There have been times with this church that I have left meetings with the attitude that "I'm done. Can't take the egos anymore." But part of the big reason I stay is because my team is not only my responsibility, but they are my friends. I know I continually get hurt because of my loyalty, but I've seen so much growth in their personal and spiritual lives that my heart cannot abandon them yet. One of my guys, who may not even be a believer and is addicted to smoking pot, is now working on quitting (for the sake of singing...but nonetheless). He's still with me, I feel, because I don't judge him. I don't preach at him. I first became his friend, and here and there I get to have the challenging conversations. As the Word of God is made more and more real to him, he'll get it. He's already getting it.

Jesus set the standard of servant leadership. He was the natural leader. He did not have to raise His voice to be heard. He didn't need to strike the synagogue pulpit to be heard. When He entered the room, a hush fell over the people. Jesus grew in favor with God and with men and women (Luke 2:52). He went around doing good (Acts 10:38). The common people heard Him gladly. He spoke with authority, not like the Scribes and the Pharisees (Matthew 7:29). The apostle Paul often wrote about the "grace of our Lord Jesus Christ" (2 Corinthians 8:9). Jesus was loved by-and loved and prayed for-his friends (John 17). He was such an attractive person that people were drawn to Him like iron filings to a magnet (Luke 4:15). Jesus wept over the city of Jerusalem (Luke 13:34). When his friend Lazarus was declared dead, the Scriptures tell us that his strong leader, Jesus, wept for His friend (John 11:35). When the sister of Lazarus was under pressure from her activist sister, Martha, Jesus came to her defense (Luke 10:42). Leadership without compassion is arid and sterile. Jesus, a strong, bold leader, revealed a sensitivity and compassion that enhanced and balanced His strength of character and dynamic leadership.

The pivotal New Testament texts are Mark 10:45, "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many," and Philippians 2:7-8, "He emptied Himself by assuming the form of a slave.He humbled Himself by being obedient, even to death." Effective leaders will be humble before God and before others. They will be humble, not servile, self-possessed, not selfish. They will not need to be applauded or praised. They will recognize that abilities owned will be the gift of a gracious God and will not have come through human achievement or natural talents. They will not therefore need to promote themselves, to boast, to posture to advertise their skills. Their humility will make them personally secure, not continually needing the affirmation of others.

"Let this mind be in you that was also in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 2:5).

If you're still reading...bless you! ha ha! If only my academic papers were this easy...

Let me take a small turn here, and I'll wrap it up and attempt sleep once again. I was driving home from church today (yesterday) and began praying for a specific friend who has occupied my prayers full-time recently. I communed with the Lord and wondered, "what did I do yesterday (Saturday)?" because it felt like I hadn't spent time with Him in awhile. It had only been a day, but what I realized, yet again, is that time spent with Him really is essential and profitable. I missed Him, even for a day. Even during the desperate times of the last couple of weeks, to be near Him, to listen and pour out my heart to Him, really is sooo good. I think part of the reason I'm enjoying running right now is because I started praying out loud as I run--an entirely new experience for me. I couldn't help it. I just start pleading with the Lord. My iPod gives me rhythm and the running obviously gives me movement for the passion.

I found it unfortunately interesting how even though I've been enjoying His presence and comfort, how easily my selfishness can overtake my days and still cause me to forget Him.

Lord, you know my heart. Give her wisdom--and give me sleep.