Time

is NOT on my side these days. I was quite disappointed to have to cancel both of my upcoming hunting trips and Andrew's wedding in FL. Sorry friends, you will not be seeing me there (that's more about money than time).

I don't really care for the pace of life right now. But that is, in mirrored essence, just part of life. We can't do it all - and we certainly can't do it all at ONCE.

Grad school is not necessarily harder than I expected, but it is definitely more consuming than I ever expected. In fact, one of the things that kept me from starting grad school for so long was my hatred for writing papers. Here I sit at a coffee shop on Friday night, still putting off this paper that's due on monday.

I know I haven't written in awhile (see above). So here's something that was quite encouraging and of course a necessary blessing when the mind wanders in search of something else. The church (universal) is supposed to be about changing lives. In America this is hard, but it still can happen. I'm not here to start a discussion about the rights and wrongs of this quote, but here it is: "Preach the gospel always, If necessary use words." ~ St. Francis of Assisi

I've changed the names and shortened this recent letter:

Hey Keith,
How are you doing today? I just have a couple of things to tell you. The movie Fireproof was the most inspirational movie I have ever seen. I know you know a little bit about Jenny and I, mostly some of the hardships that we have gone through in our marriage. Just one week ago Jenny and I were debating on whether or not we should continue our relationship or not. It even got as far as her looking for a place to live. From the very beginning of the movie I felt like that story was based on us. If I did not know better I could have sworn somebody was spying on us, then again after that movie I know someone was - it was God. Before we came to the wedding reception, Jenny and I were also debating on trying to take a few days away from each other. We agreed that we would spend the night with each other with out the kids, and see what comes of it.
Neither of us had any idea of what we were going to do. We decided we were going to watch movie at the last minute instead of going home and sitting on the couch. Neither of us knew any movies playing until you reminded us of Fireproof and the only thing we knew about the movie was what you told us, that it was a good marriage movie. Go figure.
When we arrived at the movie theater, Jenny and I even looked at other movies as a possible alternative, but something (someone) was telling us we needed to watch this. So this was the movie we decided on. Keith I have never cried from a movie before, but I could not stop the tears from rolling down my face. I looked at my wife periodically through the movie and seen the same tears going down her cheeks. It was as if a light bulb went off in my head. This is what I am supposed to be doing!
I have never been involved with church until Crossroads. To tell you the truth, I am just starting to learn, I know nothing about the bible, and until last night I did not know what god was doing for me and that was my problem.
The pieces of the puzzle became very, very clear to me last night. Not to long ago you talked about angels in one of your messages. I don’t know if I remember correctly but angles are here to basically guide you (I feel uncomfortable talking about things I know nothing about, so please correct me if I am wrong) and I feel those angels have guided us to this place where we are now. I just did not understand. For instance in my moms book, she talked about angels coming in the form of an old lady to tell here that she was beautiful on a day that she was feeling down. Well if this is true I have figured out who my angels are and the message god was trying to give me. Those angels came in the form of Roger and Eunice, Crossroads and you.
Roger and I talk a lot. As these pieces are coming together I look back, and the message he was giving me was so indirect, and my lack of knowledge of the bible, that I did not understand what he was saying. Well the truth is he wasn’t saying anything he was showing me; by the way he treats Eunice. Through out the movie the gentleman was told to do kind acts to his wife regardless of her reaction and not to respond with negativity. This is exactly what I have been watching Roger do to Eunice all this time (of course he does not get the negative responses that the gentleman in the movie gets), he helps no matter if he is tired our not, and does not expect anything in return, instead is fulfilled by the love he gets from his wife in return.
Crossroads has become our family; these angels have guided me to this church to learn how to be a family. Some of the puzzle was to be around positive people. I really did not understand this until now. Everybody at Crossroads treats each other like family, they smile when they great you, they are there if you need them, and most of all they love you. None of which I have given my wife. I have put up this wall of rejection, so I am not hurt, and instead of caring for her unconditionally I am pushing her away without knowing it. And for this it has created a gap.
The last piece of the puzzle is you. God wanted me to learn about him and that is what you are for. Earlier in this letter I stated one of my problems was I did not know what god was doing for me. I have come to realize now that you were teaching me to not think what is god doing for me, but rather what I am doing for him. I appreciate everything you do for us. You were meant to tell us to go see Fireproof; it was no coincidence. God wanted this to happen and he did it through you.
I am not ready to give up on Jenny nor will I ever be. Because now the light has gone off in my head and I understand. I married her because I want to grow old with her. I wear this ring as a symbol of our unconditional love. She is my wife and I will do what ever I need to, to keep it that way. I need to put my trust in god that he will help us do just that. Thanks for introducing me to god Keith.
P.S. The movie hit Jenny too, she text me this morning to tell me, “If I haven’t told you lately you are an incredible husband, and a wonderful father”. For the first time since we were married I feel like I am ready to give 110%.