choices

Wow. It's been awhile.

the last two nights I haven't slept. Not good timing for perhaps the busiest week of my life. if you know me, my brain can go into overload mode and refuse to shut down. Apparently, it would rather mull over un-answerable questions of life rather than sleep. Somehow God doesn't choose to answer the prayer request to strike it with complete paralysis yet either...

Anyways, I just half awoke from a pretty bad [day/morning] dream and thought I should maybe write down some of the things I may have gleaned from it... you know I don't journal.

Our choices matter. They affect other people whether we know it, see it, or feel it. This concept isn't necessarily new to anyone but I think the concept of it in our society is becoming foreign. I also think the part that we would more easily overlook is in the smaller choices. Whether we're a father/mother/son/daughter/banker/student/financial aid officer... everything we do matters. If i were flamboyant enough, the thought occurred to me to simply get the word "CHOOSE" tattooed on the inside of my wrist... though I'd rather not be such a spectacle.

Recently I've been gently accused of being a legalist. but I think I can honestly say that my life motives/choices have not been JUST to avoid risk and consequence. Many of my motives have been for the sake of others. and even more, they've been in line with Jesus' commands to simply obey (Jn. 14:15).

Now, I also know:
1 Sam. 15:22 But Samuel replied:
“Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices
as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD?
To obey is better than sacrifice,
and to heed is better than the fat of rams.

Psa. 51:16-17 For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it;
You are not pleased with burnt offering.
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.

Obedience doesn't not have to be blind! Perhaps I'm sounding defensive. Perhaps I am. :) So what is it that moves the heart of God? Is it animals sacrificed on an altar of stone or metal? Is it denying some form of immediate gratification? Is it some other form of sacrifice? Psalm 51 points us away from using such things as a means to approach God. Even while the sacrificial system was still in place King David understood that this only represented something greater. He knew that what God is really after is the heart. David had seen the example of his predecessor Saul as he took animals that were intended for destruction during the Israelite’s victory over the Amalekites and the Lord’s displeasure with Saul as a result of his disobedience. Saul sought to justify his actions by saying that his intention was to sacrifice them before the Lord at Gilgal. Samuel gave a very pointed response in 1 Sam 15:22 “But Samuel replied: "Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.”

(so He delights in both????)

So God's eye is on the motivations that drive us and the condition of our heart before him. Humility and true submission are the delight of God. There are many people who do right things but for wrong reasons, and I am by default guilty to some extent. I think I can honestly say the majority of my "legalistic" life has not been ego driven, attention seeking, or "holier than thou" motivated - I think my friends would agree. I think it's been fueled by a response of obedience to what God asks. Okay, getting beyond my defenses, I have to admit that there probably has also been some degree of working out of a fear of what God won’t do rather than a confidence in what he WILL do... Am I doing what I am doing because of my confident love for God or are my actions being driven by a concern that somehow God’s love and power will not be directed towards me and that I will have to be my own source of supply? Hmmm...

And of course, it always comes back to surrender. Things in life aren't always fair. I can feel gipped in light of unfair compensations, but in the end, if i'm consistent with what I preach...what really do I deserve? Nothing. Even in light of my marvelous good works...and especially in light of the grace offered at the cross of Christ what is left but to bow humbly before Him and say "Yes Lord. I am here for your service." Unfortunately, that's just not as easy as it sounds.

Anyways...just some thoughts this morning...I wish I remembered more of the dream...our choices matter.